


Branches

by chupacabruh



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: Background Coomer/Bubby, Canon-typical Cursing, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, New Years, New Years Eve, alcohol mention, background tommy/darnold, gordon and benry are autistic+adhd, not-a-game AU, rated teen for the cursing ig, sorry i'm not the best with tagging idk what else to say, that isnt really relevant but i want you to be aware
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28520985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chupacabruh/pseuds/chupacabruh
Summary: Gordon is having a very easy time not thinking about it, thank you very much.new years eve first kiss oneshot :'] that's all there is to it !
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Frenrey - Relationship
Comments: 21
Kudos: 89





	Branches

**Author's Note:**

> i smacked my keyboard a lot on new years eve and a drabble or whatever was born! i wasn't originally going to post it, but then i decided that i like it enough so i had to go through and do a bit of a rewrite/edit, so it's a bit late :'-)  
> anyway. i wanted them to new years kiss. thanks

Gordon doesn’t think about it.

He doesn’t think about silly little fanfic tropes. No one kisses under a mistletoe, are you kidding? He’s never heard of a single person he’s ever known having done that. That’s fake as hell. Who kisses under a mistletoe? Besides cheesy couples or something, and even that’s a maybe.  
So he doesn’t think about it, when winter rolls around. No matter how many bad Christmas movies they watch that include a cute little mistletoe scene, no matter how many cartoon mistletoes he sees plastered on boxes and wrapping paper and whatever else. He doesn’t.  
He doesn’t think about how it would feel, to purposefully stand under one and wait for Benry to happen through, or how it would feel to finally, _finally_ press his lips to his. Doesn’t think about pulling Benry close by the collar of his shirt, about sliding his lips over his, about watching Benry’s surprise melt into something pleasant and–

He doesn’t think about it, and he doesn’t do it.

He’s, admittedly, thought about kissing Benry before, though. And by admittedly, he means he has never admitted it to anyone but himself in the privacy of his own shitty, shitty brain. He’s thought about it while sitting beside him on the couch, Benry’s face lit up by the screen of their television, his wild laughter almost certainly bothering the neighbors. He’s thought about it while cooking with him in their kitchen, the two of them side by side, touching just enough for Gordon to feel his warmth. He’s thought about it every time Benry asks if he wants one – every time, he catches himself thinking, _yes, please_ , but he never voices it. Surely every time Benry asks, it’s a joke. It’s always treated as such. Gordon doesn’t want to be laughed at, but God does he want to say yes, and God does he sometimes want to ask him himself.  
He wonders what it’d be like – how surprised would Benry be by the question being turned around on him? Would he be happy, excited? Or would he be upset? The thought turns Gordon’s stomach.  
So of course he doesn’t kiss him under the mistletoe that he may or may not have put up drunkenly one night. He forgets he even did that until Benry mentions it while Gordon is making breakfast, Benry waggling his eyebrows at him. Gordon blushes, but he waves it off and says Joshua wanted it hung up because it’s “part of winter, dad, we’re ‘sposed to have some!”.  
Joshua didn’t ask for shit except for toys, a real dinosaur, and for his toy stegosaurus Jimmy to come to life (a wish that fills Gordon with a vague sense of terror), but Benry buys it and then asks for a kiss anyway, and receives an oven mitt thrown at him in response.  
But that plants a seed in his head. Or, more realistically, causes the seed already in his head to bloom. Fuck, if he’s actually being realistic that goddamed thing is a fully grown tree already, but maybe it gets a few more branches or flowers or something. Whatever you want the analogy to do, it does. The point is, he wants to kiss him even more.  
After all, there’s now a thought: a slight inkling in his mind that if he wasn’t such a coward, that mistletoe could’ve worked.

When Christmas passes, New Years Eve is on the horizon – and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a kissing tradition there, too.

Gordon thinks this one is probably more likely to be a thing people actually do, but by couples who are already together. Though he did watch a youtuber do it years ago as his confession, and that had worked out just fine. Though they later broke up, but that doesn’t matter. The point is, it worked, and now Gordon is thinking about that but also about old youtubers, and he ends up looking through a bunch of super old good-bad videos with Benry. They watch them together and laugh, cringing at some of the humor and dying over the 4 pixels that make up the camera quality, and when he looks over at Benry and sees him doubled over, half falling off the couch – God, does that just make Gordon wanna kiss him more.

Branches, or flowers, or whatever. They’re a-growin’.  
Winter sucks.

Gordon isn’t even sure how he got to this point. One day he’s a normal dude who just turned 27, and the next he’s a much-more-traumatized dude who is still 27 but feels like he’s aged 50 years in the span of a week. Then his fucking enemy (who he _killed_ ) pops up again and somehow, some way, it feels right. He hates it, and he pretends to hate it for a long time, but it does. Gordon laughs, for some reason, when he’s being chased with a kitchen knife. Laughs when the fucker tries to torch him with a flamethrower. Laughs when he’s bullying Gordon in a public – well, was it really public? Gordon isn’t sure that theater was real, actually – restroom. He laughs because fuck, Benry is a funny guy, and this feels like two friends just fucking around, and even though he hates him (duh) he’s strangely happy to have him back.  
Something about him dying, even though Gordon had acted like he wanted it so bad… it didn’t feel good. So seeing him again? That’s…  
Fuck, maybe Gordon’s had this problem longer than he thought, looking back. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to fall for him.  
Fall for him. Fuck, he has, hasn’t he? Shit.  
Anyway, they were a little rocky at first of course, but eventually they caved and actually talked to each other about shit. They understand each other now, and now look at where Gordon is.

In love with an alien who tried to fucking kill him multiple times.

So he tosses and turns at night. Every night, leading up to New Years. Usually when he’s having trouble sleeping, Benry helps him out with some sweet voice, but this isn’t the usual anxiety and nightmares, and Gordon’s afraid he’ll be asked what’s wrong. He hasn’t really been the best at thinking on his feet with shit like that.  
He spends his time in bed trying not to think about it, then breaking and thinking about it, then getting all flustered and trying not to think about it. The circle of gay panic, looping over and over until he finally passes out three hours before his alarms are set to go off. And then, as if that isn’t enough, he thinks about it during the day.  
Benry probably notices something is up, but he keeps his distance for now because he is trying to be respectful, and he knows if it’s important Gordon will cave and go to him for comfort. Benry can kinda read that it isn’t anything to worry too much about, so he doesn’t push. They read each other pretty damn well nowadays.  
More and more reasons to kiss him, Gordon thinks. God.

On New Years Eve, Gordon is having trouble. Benry has chosen to wear a dress to celebrate, and God _damn_ if it doesn’t look fucking stunning on him. Gordon just wants to kiss all over his stupid cute face and tell him how nice he looks, but obviously he can’t, and that sucks shit. As some form of vengeance (or maybe he just wants Benry to look at him the same way Gordon’s looking at him), Gordon unbuttons an extra button on his tacky patterned button-up. He can’t tell if this achieves anything, but he decides to believe that his hotness level has somehow increased dramatically.

Coomer punches Gordon’s dining table in half, apparently because of a bet with Bubby. Gordon is only momentarily distracted by this, and honestly it upsets him less than it should.  
“Oh well,” He says. “I need to get a new one anyway.”  
He doesn’t, but that’s whatever. Benry’s laughing at something that Tommy is telling him, and that smile is more more attention-holding than whatever it was Gordon was just angry about. Gordon can feel his heartbeat quicken just a little when Benry glances over and catches his eye and winks, for some reason.  
Coomer elbows Bubby and motions at them, and Bubby rolls his eyes exaggeratedly and laughs about something. Gordon doesn’t notice any of that.  
The Science Team (including Benry and Darnold) play some games together, and maybe Gordon gets a little buzzed during. Maybe he’s just tipsy enough to get braver. Maybe he flirts with Benry now and then, who seems genuinely surprised before flirting back, and maybe Benry’s joke-flirting riles Gordon up a little. Gets to his ego, makes him all the more confident.

Benry is, in all honesty, having the time of his life. New Years fucking rocks, apparently.

Gordon gets to thinking about that kiss, and when the clock starts inching closer to midnight, it’s all he can think about. The idea of kissing Benry might be clouding his thoughts more than the booze is, if he’s honest.  
He looks at Benry and yeah, it definitely is. He’s a lot more sober than he wants to think he is. Maybe he was a little buzzed earlier, but that’s faded by now.

The minute hits. 59 seconds, then 58, and so on. Gordon’s mind is racing, albeit sort of clumsily, thoughts tripping over themselves like they’re using QWOP controls. God, he hasn’t thought about QWOP in years. Everyone used to be obsessed with that little game.  
Kiss Benry, don’t kiss Benry. What are the consequences of both actions? Pros and cons list, because Gordon is a nerd. Get distracted by his own pros and cons list because he realizes he is too aware of his heartbeat and it’s grossing him out a little. Get distracted again by Benry grimacing down at his glass of champagne in disgust. Gordon laughs at him for it and calls him a baby, and Benry sticks his tongue out at him. This bring’s Gordon’s thoughts back to Benry’s mouth, which means he’s all the way back to square one. Kiss Benry, don’t kiss Benry. Why is a simple decision so hard?

He’s gonna do it.

No he fucking isn’t.

Maybe?

No.

_Maybe?_

And then suddenly his friends are counting down – 10, 9, 8. Gordon joins them, heart pounding in his chest and getting a real workout in. He almost feels like he’s panicking more than he ever did during the Black Mesa incident, which is completely fucking untrue, but in the moment he sort’ve feels like he’s dying, so right now that’s the only experience he’s ever had.

5.

Gordon looks down at Benry.

4.

He swallows hard.

3.

His mouth is dry, which really isn’t that conducive to a good kiss, but he’s also about to have a drink so it’s probably fine, right?

2.

Not that he’s about to kiss him or anything.

1.

Yeah, no, he’s definitely not.

“Happy New Year!” They all shout in unison, Gordon included even though he feels like his voice is about to give out.  
He downs his drink, and so do the others. Tommy pulls Darnold into a kiss that makes him giggle. Coomer yanks Bubby down to his level to plant a kiss of his own, and Bubby yelps with the force of the pull.  
Gordon looks down at Benry, and Benry looks up at Gordon, and it feels like time just kinda freezes.  
Gordon moves an inch closer, eyes trained on Benry’s mouth.  
Benry wets his lips, searching Gordon’s eyes for something.  
Gordon starts leaning down, and Benry’s eyes widen just a fraction, and Gordon looks into them even though he hates eye contact. He tries desperately, in this split second, to see if there’s any hint of how Benry feels in there. Gordon’s chest is practically heaving, his breathing a little funny and his heart pumping like he’s just done a swimteam competition.  
For Benry, it clicks – this is happening. Gordon is, without a doubt, about to kiss him.  
Hell fuckin’ yeah! It’s about goddamned time!

And then Gordon freezes. 

Benry’s eyes are shining, and he’s smiling so softly, and Gordon wants to kiss him so, so bad, but he freezes. He’s a deer in the headlights, a cow in the beam of a UFO, a third thing in the shin of a somethingorother.  
Benry waits, and though it’s only for a few seconds, it feels like a fucking eternity. He’s waited long enough, but at least it’s finally happening, Gordon wants to _kiss_ him, he’s _going_ to kiss him, and–

Gordon is pulling away. He’s retreating.

Gordon feels like an idiot, but he’s kind of hoping maybe it’ll turn out that Benry didn’t notice this epic fail of an attempt at a kiss, and–  
“Wha? No,” Benry whines, then he pulls Gordon down by the collar of his shirt and murmurs, “Kiss?”  
Gordon nods, just slightly, his heart caught in his throat, and Benry presses his lips to Gordon’s.

Oh, shit!

Gordon wraps his arms around Benry’s waist, and Benry moves his hands from Gordon’s shirt to his neck to his face, keeping him close as their kiss deepens. The fireworks outside mirror how they feel inside, though neither of them even register the sounds. Gordon thinks he could do this forever, panting small breaths in between kisses so he doesn’t suffocate, Benry’s soft lips something akin to heaven. Benry holds the sun close in his arms, chasing its warmth with his tongue, smiling against its mouth.  
When they finally part, their faces still close enough to feel the other’s breath, Gordon lets out a soft and breathy chuckle.  
“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” Gordon whispers, and Benry takes a mental snapshot of this moment, memorizing it and keeping it close to his heart.  
“Me too, bro.”  
“Poggers.” Gordon says dreamily.  
Benry grins. “That was my first kiss.”  
Gordon sputters, eyes widening. “Wait, what??”

Meanwhile, the rest of the Science Team is stock still, frozen in bewilderment as they take in the scene before them.  
“Fucking _finally_!” Bubby shouts, breaking the silence, and Gordon and Benry both turn their heads to see everyone.  
“Congratulations on finally nutting up, Gordon!” Coomer exclaims.  
“I’m sorry, what–” Gordon starts, blushing furiously, but Coomer has already approached and scooped him up in a big, crushing hug.  
“Benry!! I’m so happy for, for you! You must be–” Tommy beams, hugging Benry, who laughs with joy. “–you must be so happy!”  
“Yeah, man. It’s awesomesauce.” Benry says, letting out a few orbs of sweet voice; pastel yellow and a strawberry pink.  
“I’m confused,” Darnold says plainly. “But uh, congratulations to you both, anyways.”  
“Confused?” Tommy asks. “I thought you knew?”  
“I was under the impression that they were already together, to be honest.” Darnold replies with a shrug, and Gordon laughs because honestly, kisses aside, they might as well have been.  
“Fuck man, I wish! Coomer please, my lungs are dying–” Gordon is dropped unceremoniously and lets out another wheeze of laughter.  
“ **HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!** ” Benry booms suddenly, his smile obvious in his roaring voice.  
Gordon grins as he stands back up and takes Benry in his arms again, peppering his face with kisses and planting a final one on his lips, interrupting his loud whooping.  
“Happy New Year.” Gordon says as he draws back.  
Benry smiles and doesn’t let him leave, pulling him into another dizzying kiss instead, and when they break away again his voice is warm and lilting and tinged with sweet voice as he whispers ‘Happy New Year’ back.

Gordon’ll be thinking about that forever.

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed it !! thank you for reading <:-)
> 
> little disclaimer that i dont really think this is how their relationship would start or when their first kiss would be BUT it's fun to just write things,


End file.
